What to Know Before you Start Rope Bondage

Nov 3

What do you need to know about rope bondage?

Rope Bondage is considered a high-risk kink-centered activity. It can be used in a variety of ways and the usage will vary from person to person. There are many important things to know, learn, practice, and explore while using rope, but there are a few that are foundational that will help you find and create a sense of safety that will allow you to make choices, create experiences, and achieve your desires with greater ease.

Cultural + Historical Acknowledgement

Rope Bondage is often conversationally interchanged with the term Shibari which has a long history and Japaneses cultural connection with a variety of usages, rooted in military application. In this article, I won’t be diving deep into the cultural connections, appropriation, call to respect and reverence of the craft or the ways in which there’s an active effort to shift the stigmas, fears, and views of what rope bondage and Shibari are and what they can be. I will in future articles and conversations on the Sensory Play Space podcast dive deeper into this as I’ve expanded my understanding, learnings from mentors and practitioners of the craft, and gathered more research from books, workshops, educators + practitioners of rope, labbing, and community.

Like everything, I encourage you to use this information as an introduction, a conversation starter, and an expansion on the ways in which you think, exist, and explore the world. Do your own research, create curious conversations, and take what works for you and leave the rest with discernment.

You can learn a little more about the history and culture of rope here and the Code of Ethics of Kink that The Rope Collective shares and centers here. Below I will overview setting the foundation and I intend to return to this topic over time as I continue to expand my understanding, connection, resources, and relationship with rope so please check back if this is something that is curious for you or send me a message through the contact page with questions.

First things first - Setting the Foundation for Engaging with Rope:

Rope bondage is considered a kink activity which by nature holds inherent risks. It can be a high-risk activity, meaning there are higher possibilities for harm or danger - but when practiced, explored, and shared with intentionality, education, discernment, and humility, it can be enjoyed with a higher sense of safety.

With any kink activity, and personally, a practice I center with any intimate connection these days, utilizing the following is important to begin with and can be done with great depth and/or explored with a quicker check in depending on the activity, relationship, history, scene, and intention will help you determine how to navigate each time. Every person involved holds responsibility for knowing and investing in their own clarity, understanding, and boundaries.

Informed Consent includes communication of the needs, boundaries, and known information of and from each person involved in a scene or connection. It can include information about about the activity, history and experience, what would be useful to know for the situation.

Negotiation is often used to set up the scene and come to a common agreement on what the details, boundaries, desires, and communication will be during a scene or time of play. The negotiation can shift with each connection and may shift based on the details of the activity. When getting to know someone and first exploring play together, longer and more detailed negotiations are common and they may shift into shorter styles that feel like check ins over time or with lighter play. Negotiation is important and each person should find a way to feel and allow the other to feel comfortable communicating and exploring options until they’ve reached a place of agreement that feels collaborative and autonomous.

Safety is one of the most important foundational elements to consider in connection overall and kink centered play. Safety can include discussion of personal needs to feel mentally, emotionally, and physically safe and cared for, risks associated with the activity, consent and acknowledgement of the understanding of the risks and possible outcomes, and ensuring that the scene is set up in a way that should something need to be tended to with urgency, that you are prepared. There’s a great, deep dive on nerves and safety on Rope Study that I recommend you review and utilize for greater understanding, education, and to inform your practice and play.

Education is something that is not always discussed as a part of foundational exchange in kink but I feel this is important to include and aligns with informed consent and safety. Education can be obtained in a variety of ways and my favorite and what has proven to be most useful to me in learning is to absorb knowledge from a variety of sources including mentors, formal/popularly acknowledged educators, those who hold origins of the culture from which it came, professionals and practitioners who have spent a significant amount of time in their craft, peers who are learning, online research and resources, and in active practice on my own. I feel that the greatest importance of education is to expand your knowledge, confidence, and accountability to practice, play, and share your curiosities most intentionally.

Aftercare is simply how you’d like to be cared for and what will make you feel good, connected, nourished, and returned to your power after a scene has ended. Aftercare can look differently for each person and for each scene. Tea, cuddles or loving touch, conversation or debrief on what occurred and what was liked/disliked or what you’d like to explore in the future are a few examples of common aftercare. It is recommended that aftercare include a check in the day following and if/as needed the days following. It’s each persons responsibility to inform what their needs are and even if the other is not able to meet them they can collaboratively find a solution that allows everyone to feel supported, safe, respected, and cared for.

Informed consent, negotiation, safety, education, and aftercare are common building blocks for all kink-centered connections including rope. A few areas to centered with rope specifically in regards to safety include quality of rope, nerve awareness, potential long and short term injury possibilities, body alignment and mobility, and the importance of safety sheers. For more information on this and to get a greater understanding I remind you to do your own research, explore conversationally and build connection with like-minded community, and find learning-centered workshops and spaces. The Rope Collective has a deeper dive on their website under the Code of Ethics and incorporates foundational rope knowledge into their workshops, labs, seminars, and intensives through their weekly events.

You can use rope bondage for many reasons and people use rope bondage for a variety of reasons and in a number of different ways. Each person’s experience, desire, intention, and connection with rope will be different and can change from one scene to the next. This is why it’s important to have check ins, negotiations, conversations, and flexibility when using and sharing rope with others. You can also experience rope on your own and gain the similar benefits. Here are a few reasons and ways I use rope, in no particular order:

Creativity + art
Connection with self
Connection with another
Sensuality
Expression
Embodied Healing
Sexual Pleasure
Intimacy and dropping into the present moment
Expanding my strength in discomfort, pleasure, and pain
Exploring mental, emotional, and physical edges
Practicing and developing deeper trust with self and others

If you’re curious about rope bondage for any reason at all and haven’t known where you’d like to start, this Sunday, November 6th I’ll be co-facilitating an Intimacy + Aftercare Ceremony with Submissivetiger, rope artist and practitioner where we will guide you into embodied connection + intimacy using rope and through an aftercare ritual that you can take home with you. Find out more about this workshop and others coming up below.

Fall/Winter Embodied Healing
+ Intentional Intimacy Series

The Fall/Winter Embodied Healing + Intentional Intimacy Series can be experienced by purchasing single tickets to each event or you can buy a bundle which will give you access to all 5 events. Attendees will receive access to information, tools, and for selected events, products they can purchase to take home with them to continue expanding their own integration and exploration journey. Single events are available for purchase on a $25- $75 sliding scale range or the all access bundle to full series is available for $200.

You can purchase the Pleasure + Play Pack with your event ticket or at the event for $10 for a single session or you can order a multi-use package that includes an herbal body oil infusion + an herbal tea blend crafted locally here in San Diego, CA. Learn more here.