All Things Bondage
image by: @herdarkenigma, rope by Kinkbender
Bondage is a broad term used for a wider variety of activities that can be explored in a multitude of ways. There’s an extensiveness that I wont be able to cover in full in this article, but my intention is to create an entry point for exploration for those who have either a curiosity or perhaps a dedication to creating intentional, safe + ethical ways to share their passions, desires, and creativity through the artistry and eroticism of binding.
Let’s dive in.
What is bondage?
Bondage simplistically speaking is the practice of restraint. It is commonly a practice shared amongst more than one person (often two) with the intention to build an intimate connection. The connection’s intention can be platonic, playful, creative, for learning and technical skill growth, erotic, sensual, sexual, sadistic, or healing to name a few. Bondage can also be experienced on one’s own or in a group setting. It is an activity that can expand one’s confidence, courage, and communication skills and can also provide a sense of empowerment no matter if you are the one being bound or doing the binding.
Expanding and diving a little deeper into centralizing bondage tied to one’s sexuality, sexual express + desires, and ways of connecting with others, Medical News Today shares:
“Bondage sex, or having a bondage kink, refers to a form of sex play that involves consensually tying or restraining a partner in a sex position to give or receive sexual pleasure.
Bondage represents the B in BDSM, which comprises three separate but combinable elements: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. Some may also refer to it as a kink — an umbrella term to commonly describe sexual practices that may fall outside normative societal standards.
Bondage sex is a consensual activity that involves using physical restraints to restrict a partner’s freedom of movement. It is a perfectly healthy and respectful form of sexual activity, which separates it from sexual and domestic abuse.
It falls under the umbrella of power play, where one partner takes on a more dominant role during sex while the other assumes a submissive role. Although this assumes a hierarchy of power, it is better to characterize bondage sex as an open dialogue to negotiate behaviors and achieve mutual enjoyment from physical and psychological stimulation.”
Types of Bondage
There are many ways you can explore applying or receiving bondage. A few popular implements or ways of binding include chains, cuffs, ropes, tape, saran wrap, and with cloths or fabrics although there are many other to explore. Rope bondage is one of the more popular and niched ways of using bondage and has many subsets including: Shibari, chain bondage, chaos rope, decorative rope or rope dressing, Japanese rope, Kinbaku, Freestyle bondage, fusion bondage, predicament bondage, rope play, self suspension, self tying, Semenawa, suspension bondage, Western Bondage, and Wrapped bondage to name a few (list pulled from Fetlife Kinktionary where you can find definitions for each style listed in more detail.)
No matter how you choose to use bondage, centering ethics, etiquette, consent, negotiation, safety, and aftercare are vital building blocks before any binding begins.
Tapping into the History
I will be dedicating time in the near future to sharing more depth on history, cultural aspects, intersectionality, accessibility, visibility, and diversity in kink as a whole, but for now I wanted to share a snippet to get the conversation started and a tidbit on the topic of BDSM as a whole for those who are brand new or who are not familiar with it but have been curious.
Bondage is a core element of and the first letter of the acronym BDSM. BDSM stands for “bondage and discipline,” “dominance and submission,” and “sadism and masochism.” It is something that can be an identity for some and a more casual practice for others. Originally coined by Kinsey Institute collaborator, Paul Gebhard in his essay Fetishism and Sadomasochism in 1969, BDSM has become a recognized practice in our collective sexual culture. (from Victori.aah)
As bondage is such a broad term and can be experienced in so many ways, there are many origin points. The usage of rope with bondage has a strong tie to Japanese culture as the originator. Japan presented us with the gift of the erotic bondage kink shibari (Japanese for “decoratively tie”). From a historical standpoint, the correct name of said art is kinbaku, which is literally translated as “the beauty of tight binding.” Even the debates over the title’s correctness capture their delicate aestheticism. One theory says that the word shibari emphasizes the usage of artistic aesthetic ropes while kinbaku denotes the artistic, sensual and sexual practice of binding in general. (from Fantasy App)
For those ready to geek out and dive deeper in, the article More Than a Taboo | The Rich History of BDSM has a pretty rich, robust and digestable synophsis of BDSM through history to current day.
Personal Connections + Experiences with Bondage
Bondage is something that is often defaulted to as a sexual practice. But personally, I actually have spent most of my time in connection to bondage through rope in platonic connections. Rope bondage is my primary and favorite kink and is tied to many parts of my identity, expression, and ways of connecting with myself and others. It first and foremost has been a tool for expanding the ways I connect with myself. And this is something that I have chosen to share with others in mostly platonic settings. Rope bondages allows me to express and explore elements of my artistry + creativity, verbal and non-verbal communication, space holding, healing, sensuality, sexuality, and even healing. It has allowed me to explore trust and safety in ways I had not experienced before and has empowered me to really take ownership of setting boundaries, developing my own codes of ethics and consent, and opened me up to more vulnerability. Within my sexuality, I enjoy many elements of bondage and enjoy both topping (applying/taking someone through an experience) and bottoming (receiving/surrendering to being bound).
I was introduced to the idea of bondage through media and have fantasized about it in a multitude of ways. I first experienced rope bondage a few years ago through a casual romantic connection with a rigger which lead me not only to open up a whole new layer of curiosities about myself, but the experience also informed the foundations of the work I am doing today as an educator, artist, practitioner, and facilitator of intimacy, kink + healing.
Safety + Risks:
Risks Associated with Bondage
Bondage is considered a high risk activity and has the possibility of non-reversible impacts and consequences, including death. It’s important that each person choosing to participate in any activities or forms of connection that include bondage are not only aware of what risks are possible, but that they take responsibility and ownership for their role in consenting to the activities and develop boundaries that align with their comforts and acceptance of potential outcomes.
The goal with bondage is not to create harm, even when we explore playing with pain, but rather to safely create and share experiences that allow desires to be fulfilled and edges to be met or pushed without violating or crossing boundaries. In order to increase the possibilities of safety and minimize the options of experiencing harm, we have to be intentional, educated, informed, and committed to learning proper techniques and applications of specialized skills.
Common risks associated with bondage are loss of circulation, nerve impingement, nerve damage, temporary or permanent markings to the body, mental/emotional distress, physical injuries to joints, limbs, and areas of the body, or in more extreme cases can even result in death. Although many of these are easily avoidable by taking time to learn and practice technical skills, educate yourself and discussing your educational learnings with your prospective partner, and learning the sensations, limitations, and edges of your own body (physically, mentally, and emotionally) before a scene or play begins. It is the responsibility of all people involved to do this work and by doing so, creates connective experiences that can result in safer outcomes, even when something does differently than what was originally desired or planned. It also helps us assess if the people we are considering connecting with are safe and aligned for us to share such an intimate and vulnerable experience with.
Safety Precautions + Standards to Mitigate Risks
Above were mentioned some standards for entry for all things bondage and tapped into some of the possible risks and harms that can happen. Accessibility can create barriers and limitations in options, but I highly suggest taking in person classes (top choice), studying and reviewing online educational materials (great supplemental learning), and finding and joining your local community (as it’s available) to increase your soft + hard skills, confidence, and personal connectivity to bondage. In these places, you will find more robust lists and examples of how to explore bondage with safety and risk mitigation top of mind and I wanted to share a few topical things to consider here as well.
Make sure you and the people you are connecting with understand and agree to the possible options for harm before you begin.
Always have options to quickly remove bondage in case of an emergency. A cutting device is mandatory to have easily accessible and within reach before any binding begins. For rope and most softer bondage options like saran wrap and cloth, Medical Sheers are a popular option because they are inexpensive, designed to cut quickly, and have a buffer to minimize the chances of piercing a person’s skin. If you’re playing with other bondage items like metal cuffs, chains or wire, find the appropriate cutting devices with strength to remove these. Remember, toys and rope are replaceable, people and their bodies are not.
Check out these articles:
Create a Safety Plan. It may seem a little stiff, but it’s important to take the time to discuss and create a plan of action that each person feels comfortable with and decide together what to do if something goes wrong. As bondage is a form of BDSM and edge play and an activity that is not always understood or accepted by mainstream society, each person will have to assume and take ownership for choosing to engage. The details of each person’s safety plan will help you determine what levels of risk, if any you are willing to take in this moment and if choosing to play together is aligned for everyone involved based on needs, limitations, and boundaries.
Design and define your aftercare needs to expand the ways we care for ourselves and one another. Aftercare is one really accessible way to minimize, mitigate, and even at times eliminate risks and harm. Bondage provides a space for us to explore our mental, emotional, and physical edges and within this can impact the brains and bodies of everyone involved. Before play begins, discussing what each person desires, needs, and requires to return to feeling reconnected with themselves and to leave the scene continuing to feel that they made choices that were right for them and the other people involved. When we explore our edges, it can surface excitement and amplify pleasure, but it can also surface fear or shame. The positions of the body and constrictions, applications of implements, and movements can also create physical discomfort, soreness, marks/bruising/laceration to the skin or reduced mobility. Aftercare is how we end a scene and the space that we use to tend to the needs of all people involved. Baseline aftercare can include debriefing about the scene (validation, feedback, praise, and talking about what was liked/what you want to experience again or avoid in the future), nourishment (hydrating and replenishing the body with fuel), consensual physical touch (massage, tending to any injuries, cuddling, hand holding, sex), space (physically, conversationally, mentally), or shifting to a preferred activity (like watching a movie or taking a nap). Aftercare should in almost all cases include a next day check in that creates space for reconnection as needed in the future and in the cases that this is not needed or desired, at the minimum taking effort to make sure that your partners have options, resources, and connections to support them if your aftercare needs don’t align. You can fine more on aftercare and download a checksheet here for more ideas.
Developing Technical Skills and Setting the Mood
The best way to learn technical skills is with hands on practice. It’s best to do this in a dedicated space that is designed specifically for learning and that is separate from where you’d like to intentionally create intimate connection and explore pleasure and play. As bondage is a hands on activity, you can learn technical skills through taking in person classes, watching videos online and following the steps outlined, and by setting up space to learn, gain confidence, and refine precision with others (we sometimes call this a space to lab or workshop). Search online or ask other people in your community for recommendations of educational resources, classes, workshops, and community/social gatherings for bondage enthusiasts, purchase your gear, and go get hands on.
Setting the mood and building a scene is a technical skill that is tied to ones creativity, energetic expression, and ability to apply and modify technical skills in real time. Setting the mood and building a scene includes using discernment and translating soft skills and information from negotiation to create a vibe, using implements, tools and the bodies in impactful ways, considering ambience and how it will effect or amplify the vibe you’re going for, and appropriate application of intimacy based on consent, boundaries, and the desires of the scene.
There is so much more to explore and dive into about bondage. Our articles and the Sensory Playspace substack are great places to find more resources and invitations to connect in person and online with like minded community interested in intimacy, kink + healing. Feel free to add to the conversation in the comments and if you’ve found this article helpful, share it with a friend or on your favorite social platforms.
