Intro to Impact Play
Photo by Maria Vlasova on Unsplash
Impact Play is by far one of the most popular ways to explore and experience kink and BDSM. This can be something that is explored in a variety of ways and to fulfill many purposes. One of the most important things to really embody as you begin or dive deeper into your kink journey is that we don’t have to explain WHY we want to experience or explore the activities, relationship dynamics, and fantasies that you desire. Each persons reasoning is uniquely their own and are deserving of being honored as long as they are being done so in ways that center and are founded upon ethical, safe, and consensual play.
What is Impact Play?
Simply put, impact play is the act of striking someone with either your hand, toy or other implement, to bring pleasure whether it be in a sexual, physical, psychological or emotional form. (as defined on Dom(me)’s Life).
To expand, impact play is often a kink (an umbrella term, which involves different lifestyles, behaviors, sexual practices that deviate from the so-called mainstream practices) and a form of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism) that involves striking or spanking one's partner for erotic pleasure. It's a consensual activity that can range from gentle caresses to intense thrashing, providing a spectrum of sensations for those involved.
No matter if it’s your first time playing or you’ve been using your hands and toys for a while, prioritizing and understanding how to negotiate, read body language, speak and honor boundaries, apply technical skills safely, and properly take care of your partners through aftercare to end the scene (the space and time where the impact play happens) is not only vital, but non-negotiable for fun, safe, and ethical impact play.
Why Impact Play?
It’s really accessible for both the bottom (the person receiving the impact) and the top (the person who is doing the impact) and has a high level of variety, accessibility and space for creativity. It allows a wide range of how you can create a connection through curating sensations that stimulate the body and mind. Impact play encompasses a variety of activities where one person strikes another for gratification that can be sexual or non-sexual and can center pleasure or pain or both.
How do you do Impact?
Impact play can involve hands, paddles, whips, canes, floggers, or any other tool chosen by the participants. The intensity, speed, and area of impact can be adjusted to suit the preferences and comfort levels of those involved. There are areas of the body that are to be avoided for safety while others are welcomed and often bring a combination of pleasure and consensual pain to the bottom.
Why is it fun?
For tops? Some common answers: Reactions from the bottom. Markings (bruises, welps, etc). Visualization of enduring, it can help express creativity, artistry, and skill. The more you learn your toys, you can create rhythms and going to the beats which can bring excitement and pride as well as form a unique bond with the bottom that can lead them to asking, or begging for more.
Bottoms may feel a range of sensations that activate both mental and physical stimulation that can range from sensual to sadistic and everywhere in between. Bottoms may enjoy markings and find a sense of connection to the top that last beyond the scene. They can also feel a sense of pride from the endurance and a high from the shifts of brain chemicals.
Getting Started:
It’s important to start slowly and communicate explicitly and openly with your partner(s) about your desires, boundaries, and any concerns you may have especially as a beginner and the first time you play with a new partner. Each person is going to have their own style of communication, negotiating, safety and risk profile, boundaries, desires, and aftercare protocols. It’s vital to take the time to check in with each partner, every time, before you pick up any toys and before play begins so that you can center consensual, ethical play.
Recommendations and reminders to help you create fun and safe connections through impact play
Communication: Before impact play begins, have a thorough discussion, also known as negotiation, with your partner(s) about what you both want to experience, boundaries, safe words, and aftercare.
Start Light: You want to warm up the body and the areas you will be applying touch to enhance the experience and create a scene that takes your partner through a journey, no matter if the theme is sweet or sadistic. Begin with gentle taps, squeezes, pats, or soft strokes to familiarize yourself with the sensations and gauge your partner's reactions. This not only helps bring blood flow to the areas (which will heighten the sensations) but it also creates points of connectivity between you and your partner which makes a scene even more yummy.
Explore Different Tools: You don’t have to break the bank to have fun with impact play. You can experiment with various implements such as hands, paddles, or floggers to discover what feels pleasurable for both you and your partner(s). But honestly, almost anything can be an impact toy! You can get creative and find and try a variety of things that exist around the house. The important thing is to check implements for safety concerns and to ensure that their effect is exactly as intended and does not create unintentional harm - even if the intention is sadistic and centers pain.
Pay Attention to Feedback: It’s a great practice to continuously check in with your partner(s) during the session to ensure they are enjoying themselves and that the experience they want to receive is being created. A check in doesn’t have to be formal or break the flow or energy of the scene. It can be non verbal or use role play. Once you have a gage of your partners pain tolerance and what their cues are, check ins can look so many ways.
Practice Aftercare: This is not debatable for ethical play. Aftercare is how we close out a scene and it helps us tend to the needs of everyone involved in a scene. Aftercare will look different for each person and it’s important to discuss this during your negotiation so that each person feels good, cared for and is returned to their own power and autonomy when the scene is over. After impact play, common aftercare practices might be consensual and negotiated touch, snacks, hydrating, and talking about the scene, verbal reassurance to help your partner(s) transition back to a relaxed state. It’s also a really great idea to offer and follow through with a next day check in and leave a window open for your partner to reach out beyond that if anything comes up for them. It’s common for both tops and bottoms to experience levels of drop (an experience with similar characteristics of depression) after a scene, especially if it has higher intensity.
Popular Toys, Tools and Implements:
There is a wide range of tools and implements available for impact play, each providing unique sensations. Sensations are described as thuddy or stingy and some implements can provide both depending on the ways they are used.
Hands: Can be thuddy or stingy. The most readily available tool, hands can deliver a range of sensations from gentle caresses to firm slaps.
Paddles: More thuddy, but can be stingy. Paddles come in various materials such as leather, wood, or silicone and can produce a satisfying thud or sting depending on the material and force used.
Floggers: Can be both thuddy and stingy and depends on the style of flogger and application. Floggers consist of multiple tails attached to a handle and are ideal for delivering rhythmic, teasing strokes.
Whips: Whips are considered stingy and provide a sharp, snapping sensation and require skill and practice to use safely.
Canes: Canes deliver a sharp, stinging sensation and are often used for more intense impact play scenes.
Safety:
Safety is paramount in impact play to avoid injury, harm or unintentional discomfort. The more complex the implement or intense the scene, the higher the risk. No matter if the scene is sweet or sadistic, safety protocols that are to be followed include:
Consent: Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Always ensure all participants have given enthusiastic and informed consent before engaging in impact play. Part of informed consent is reviewing the toys you’d like to play with, discussing the areas that are okay to receive touch and impact, and discussing boundaries, limits, and risks. With impact, you also want to discuss and get consent to leave marks such as bruises, discoloration, or welts on the skin and identify what areas are okay and not okay to mark.
Communication: Establish clear communication channels and use safe words to indicate when to stop or adjust intensity. It’s common across the community to use what we call the street light or stop light system which includes: GREEN (good to go, we’re having a great time), YELLOW (a call for a check in, adjustment, shift in intensity, or removal of an activity but not ready to end the scene) and RED (a hard stop, scene is over and move immediately into aftercare with a pause on play for at least 24 hours and a mandatory next day check in). You can create a safeword with your partner that can be used as well as non-verbal cues like taps, head shakes or certain noises.
Warm-Up: Start slowly and gradually increase intensity to allow the body to adjust to the sensations. Some tops like to curate a scene to music and rhythms and strike to the beat. You may incorporate other types of negotiated play or touch as part of your warm up as well.
Avoid Dangerous Areas: There are areas that are no-go zones that will create harm or in extreme cases non-reversible injuries or death. Avoid striking sensitive areas such as hard boney areas, kidneys, spine, neck, joints, or face.
Check Implements: Regularly inspect toys, tools, and implements for any signs of damage or wear that could cause injury. If there are any signs of wear or tear, do not use this tool as it can be dangerous for both the top and bottom. Damaged implements also run a higher risk of being becoming unhygienic as they may trap bacteria in places that are not easy to clean.
Aftercare: Provide thorough aftercare to create connection, recovery, and return to their own power emotionally and physically after the session. You should also thoroughly clean equipment, furniture, area, and your implements before and after each use and in between partners.
Skills:
Gaining skills in impact play requires practice, patience, and honing specific techniques. Some essential skills to develop include:
Precision: Learning to control the accuracy and force of your strikes to target desired areas effectively.
Rhythm: Developing a rhythmic pattern of strikes can enhance the eroticism and intensity of the experience.
Reading Body Language: Paying attention to your partner's reactions and adjusting your actions accordingly is crucial for a pleasurable experience.
Building Endurance: Both the giver and receiver may need to build endurance gradually to handle longer or more intense sessions.
Creativity: Experimenting with different techniques, implements, and scenarios can keep impact play exciting and varied.
If you’re ready to get out there and play, it’s a good idea to take a beginners class with a partner, pal or lover (I host Kink Ed at House of Black monthly) where you can review, lab + learn hard and soft skills with peers and professionals. You can also hire a local practitioner or pro to teach you techniques or guide you through your own scene for somatic exploration + experiencing. No matter why you want to experience or explore impact play, as long as its ethical, safe, and consensual, you have so many options for fun.
Resources:
Diagram from Reddit
Diagram from Arielle Antwine
