Precare + Preparation for Find Your Kink
Expand and Refine Your Identity
It's not uncommon for people to realize one day that they aren't quiet connected to or living within their full expression, deepest truths, or centering exploring their desires and fantasies with confidence. The average and common experience is to follow the mold of what has been demonstrated as the way you will live and follow relationships and sexual experience. One of the most empowering things we can do is find ways to uncover more understandings of ourselves through all parts of our lives.
Many people use astrology, numerology, Myer Briggs, and other personality tests to get a better understanding of themselves and people in their lives. But it's not as frequent that we use tests that center our sexuality, desires, and relationship patterns to open relationships and connections. These are things we frequently push off until problems arise and we're left to search for answers to help "fix the problems" rather than proactively creating the types of connections we seek.
Part of FIND YOUR KINK is the permission to be within your full self expression through your sensual, sexual, and romantically relational identities. This takes courage, vulnerability, and deep honesty. It requires us to surface parts of ourselves that have been shamed or that have brought conflict, rejection, or pain in past experiences. It also welcomes us to find our voice, feel empowered, and really own our fuck yes and hell nos.
This can be healing. And it can also be liberating. During the FIND YOUR KINK class as a part of EMBODIED EsXeD we will explore the layers and possibilities that can be available when we create intentionality, time, and courage to exploring and sharing these vulnerable parts of ourselves. If possible, take a few minutes to take the quizzes, follow the journal prompts, and expand on any parts of your identities that surface that feel curious for you to explore.
Pre-class personal preparation (optional but supportive):
Here are a few personal practices you can explore before the event to help you feel more connected, grounded, secure, and determine + create your own sense of safety for shared space.
1. Get to know your sensual, sexual, kinky self. Take the tests below and bring your results with you:
- Take the BDSM Test to learn more about your kink + BDSM desires and hard + soft limits. This will help you not only better understand some of your fantasies, but will also help you communicate to existing or potential new partners desires you have and find alignment in what you both are interested in and what isn't quite your cup of tea.
https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode
- Take the Erotic Blueprint quiz to find out more about your sexual energy type. There’s a basic quiz that’s free that will tell you your type or an in depth quiz that you can purchase for $17 that will give you a deeper reading. This will help you unlock more ways to express and experience your sexual experiences with yourself and your partner(s) so that you can find deeper pleasure, satisfaction, and collaborative harmony with the ones you share your sexual energy with.
https://missjaiya.com/
- Take the Relationship Attachment styles quiz to uncover your embedded and learned connection styles from childhood. This is something that can shift and change over time and across relationships and connections. But it often is our default way of becoming when we get activated, triggered or experience conflict within relationships.
https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com
2. Set your Intentions
Take a few minutes to journal and set an intention for what you’d like to open up to or release during this experience. You might want to learn, become more connected to your body/partner, release shame/guilt/fear, become more curious, or simply be open to what the experience unfolds.
We’ve found that when we set an intention, our ability to receive and integrate information becomes richer.
3. Create space for yourself connection before opening with others
Connect with your body + breath through one of these guided meditations:
- Breathe + Receive
- Intro to Relax/Calm Presence through Guided Breath
- Breath + Affirmations - Opening Space for Creativity
4. Prepare for After the Event or Scene
Pre-plan for after the event. Set up an aftercare plan before the event will help you stay grounded and continue your integration process after the event has come to an end. Some things to consider that you can journal about or discuss with your partner(s) in pre-negotiation or during your before scene negotiation:
What does your body need to feel nourished? (suggestions: meal prep a yummy meal, plan for an herbal tea or refreshing snack)
What does your heart need to feel supported + touched? (suggestions: solo journaling, conversation with a partner/friend, stillness/silence, breath + body work)
What does your body need to feel grounded + cared for? (suggestions: cozy blanket, pet or person cuddles, warm bath/shower, body oiling + self/partnered massage, gentle movement)
What does your soul need to stay open, curious, expansive? (suggestions: affirmations for releasing any stories or emotions that arise, connection with community who shares common beliefs and values, joining the future events in this series or other spaces that provide information, education, experiences that continue your integration + exploration with embodied healing + intentional intimacy).
Questions or access accommodations, please email euni at hi@selfstudylab.com
